Monday, 7 November 2011

Finding Me

So... I recently lost myself. I say recently but it wasn't all that recent. It had been a gradual process, creeping up slowly and steadily as I did little to stop it from occurring. But, I'm here now, aren't I? Isn't it a good sign that I got to this stage of acceptance, having been through those other clich├ęd stages of loss? Well, I want to get to the stage that no-one talks about - happiness. I believe happiness is a stage most of us spend our whole lives having, or working to find. But the truth is... I don't know who I am any more. Who is this person who I feel no attachment for most days? This is all sounding very morbid and I don't mean it to be because I have so much in my life to be thankful for, I truly do. But ultimately, I want me; myself in each and every moment instead of regretting things I have done or even might do. What is that? It's ridiculous that's what. And it's going to stop. Oh I know, it won't be an instantaneous moment of pure enlightenment. No, I realise it will be a slow process filled with what ifs?, how comes? and why nots?. I will lose friends and find friends. I will make enemies of others and possibly myself. But I cannot live like this bland, boring, grey person any more because I'd like to believe it isn't me. 

And here is my quest to prove it. 

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